porcelain_doll: (Glasses)
[personal profile] porcelain_doll
Title: she loves at the wrong time; he doesn't, ever
Pairing: none
Rating: PG
Summary: A snippet of a story of unrequited love. It's fictional, yet based on a real-life experience.







Our eyes met at the wrong time.

It’s the afternoon and she tries not to feel nervous. She acts aloof, moves slowly and scans the internet for boots. She feels okay despite the hollowness of her stomach and the what ifs that run through her mind. She reads the texts as soon as her phone lights up and alarms her but it’s different somehow - this feeling.

Maybe we can go back. Restart?

“Are they lost?” her sister asks from behind her seat in front of her study desk, laptop screen flashing brightly into her eyes.

“I don’t think so. They can make it by themselves. Trust them,” Miharu replies calmly as she flips her phone closed. Her sister shrugs and goes to take a shower.

The fan beside her makes her hair dance slightly but the bothersome sensation cannot compare to the numbness in her body; her chest, the core of it all.

I don’t regret anything and yet I…

Miharu wears her thick-rimmed glasses, a gray hoodie and a pair of pants, matching them with her usual Converse sneakers and nothing else. Perhaps, so to add, the heart in her throat that she wants to throw up and flush down the toilet. She shakes her head and pockets money just in case, combs her bangs back sideward and checks the collar wound around her neck. Her phone lights up and she reads the new message and laughs.

“What did they say?” her sister asks from the shower, the bathroom door opened for clarity yet only due to simple carefreeness.

“They’re at the station but I think they’re lost. I think,” Miharu says with chuckles.

After her sister gets ready, they go down to the internet shop and photocopy a few papers for the older girl’s thesis. Miharu waits patiently at the table there, wondering if they’re really okay on their own and if she should go and fetch them instead.

“What? Where are you?” Miharu asks worriedly after stepping out of the shop to call them; him.

“This street where the gas station is. There’s a huge building across from us,” Shinichi answers with uncertainty. Miharu can hear another voice in the background – laughing, light, not worried at all.

It’s you.

“Hello? Hello?”

“Yes, hello,” Shinichi answers. Miharu stays silent with her lips pursed, back against the wall and phone glued to her ear almost desperately – wanting, yearning guiltily like how she has always been, since long ago. For that voice in the background… so long ago.

“Go back to the college’s front gates. Stay there. I’ll come and get you,” Miharu reassures some time later and she ends the call to enter the shop and tell her sister what has happened. There are several phone calls that follow after that, as Miharu and her older sister wait for the copies. Miharu passes the phone to the other girl whenever her phone rings. She listens to her sister giving instructions, watches her pacing around the shop worriedly and then Miharu looks away to watch a stranger playing a game on the other side of the room. As soon as they get the copies and start for the entrance of their condominium, Miharu notices that it’s drizzling heavily outside so her sister takes the elevator with a huff, to get an umbrella while Miharu stays in front of the elevator, stares into the huge mirror to her side and thinks she’s really gotten fat; degrades herself, accidentally.

When her sister gets back, Miharu pulls the hood of her shirt over her head and ventures outside, with her older sister following with an umbrella up and survey papers secured to her chest. Raindrops stain the specs of her glasses but she keeps them on as they brisk walk.

“Where are you now?” Miharu asks over the phone then.

“Walking in front of the college gates. Are we going the right way?” Shinichi asks back.

“You are. Just keep walking until you reach a blue overpass,” Miharu adds while her sister laughs beside her. She has already advanced to Miharu’s side to shelter the younger girl under the safety of her umbrella. But Miharu doesn’t stay there for too long as she practically jogs ahead, almost getting hit by a car driving out of the parking space of the bank there.

“I think I see you,” Miharu says as she squints, peering at the other side of the road. She sees two guys walking.

“Really? Where are you?” Shinichi asks.

Miharu rushes under the overpass and waves her free hand, arm up high and catching the two guys’ attention from the other side. Shinichi waves back, while he fixes his beanie and shirt.

“Go upstairs!” Miharu instructs as she points at the overpass’ steps. The two boys look but shrug right after.

“What are they doing?” Miharu’s sister asks as soon as she catches up.

“Up the stairs!” Miharu shouts with a laugh, demonstrating as she steps up the stairs on their side. She ends the call and hurries up the steps and she glimpses the two guys doing the same thing on their side. As Miharu walks on the overpass, she pushes back her hoodie and brushes her bangs sideward again, hair disheveled and sweat trickling down her back – she worries about that, so anxious that they might see; that he might.

Don’t laugh. Please don’t laugh.

Her sister gets to her and the two boys follow them to a nearby fast food place, going up to the second floor and settling down after Miharu introduces the guys to her sister and vice-versa. Miharu sits and pants, head hung low at the side of the table while Shinichi watches her and the older girl fixes the papers on the table.

“Do you want to eat something?” Miharu’s sister asks.

“We’re good,” he answers, taking off his beanie and putting it on his lap. Miharu straightens up and avoids eye contact with Shinichi and…

You.

“We should order something. What do you want?” Miharu asks her sister, who sits beside her and she receives names of the meals and she goes down to order. It keeps popping into her mind; how, right now, they’re upstairs and she feels guilty – unsure, terrified and selfish.

Miharu takes the tray of her sister’s order up the second floor.

“Oh, you’re done?” Miharu asks as she sets the tray in front of her sister.

“Yeah, I am,” Ryouji replies, leaning back in his chair. Shinichi isn’t done yet but the afternoon goes on either way.

Miharu’s sister moves to the other table so that Shinichi, Ryouji and Miharu can talk and they do, about random college stuff.

“I’m not sure if I can ask this…” Miharu trails off.

“Ask what?” Ryouji follows.

“If he gets mad at me, protect me,” Miharu tells Shinichi jokingly and the boy laughs.

“I won’t get mad. What is it?” Ryouji insists.

Miharu hesitates, really.

“How are you and your…”

“Ex,” Ryouji continues as he thinks.

“Ex? What? What happened?” Miharu asks; shocked despite hearing the news beforehand, from Shinichi through a call a few days back. “Wait wait! No, don’t tell me. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s just… Yeah,” Ryouji says with a little smile.

“Oh, well…” Miharu mumbles.

“And it’s weird,” Ryouji speaks up suddenly.

“What is?” Miharu asks.

“Earlier, when I saw you, you looked just like her,” Ryouji shares and surprises Miharu a little. “It’s because you were wearing your hood and those glasses and… Yeah.”

Miharu laughs nervously.

What is this?

The older girl joins them later on and they talk lots – Ryouji and her, because Miharu and Shinichi mostly listen but Miharu shares from time to time. Randomly, similar to how her eyes meet with Ryouji’s.

They file out of the place after a few hours. Miharu and her sister wait for Shinichi and Ryouji to get into the taxi after saying their goodbyes and the two girls walk back to their condominium. Even as they settle down and rest, Miharu can’t stop thinking that Ryouji enjoyed talking to her older sister more compared to her. She sends both Shinichi and Ryouji a ‘thank you’ message and wishes them a safe trip back home and both boys reply, thanking Miharu as well. Ryouji sends her a text about how it was awesome talking to her and her older sister but Miharu counters, saying that her sister did all the talking. Ryouji replies that it was still awesome, either way. But he doesn’t know that Miharu dies a bit – too much – inside because of that, fears that the rewind that she’s been wanting to happen for so long might not happen anymore.

Because it will never come but I still hope.

It’s 11:11 now. Everyone’s asleep. She closes her eyes and bows her head, wishing fervently for a certain attention; for someone’s affection.

Hasegawa Miharu receives all that from Fujimoto Shinichi…

Guiltily, selfishly – she wished for Amami Ryouji.




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July 2013

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