porcelain_doll: (Twins)
[personal profile] porcelain_doll
Title: past the spaces
Pairing: Asaba Yuuki, Asaba Yuuta
Rating: PG
Summary: On his and his birthday...

His hands are calloused and dirty. What have you been doing?

“Oh, Yuuta.”

Yuuta turns around to the call of his name. Yuuki looks at him past his outstretched fingers; palm open and against the tip of his nose – there’s a secret, Yuuta doesn’t know.

“What is it?”

There’s no answer. Only piercing eyes; eyes, that Yuuta sees and carves in his mind.

The sink is billions of millimeters away from the couch but it’s enough – enough for Yuuta to demand, to go to Yuuki’s side to nag but he doesn’t. He won’t.

“I forgot.”

And Yuuta wants to forget too, the hole in his head and the whirlpool in his heart. It’s there – his blood eating and swallowing his thoughts. Chew chew chew.

“Are you done yet?” Yuuki finally asks when he puts his hand down, stretching his legs to get the feeling back. It doesn’t.

“Yeah,” Yuuta mumbles after wiping the last plate. It’s clean, so clean that it shines at him and makes him close his eyes – it’s not the tears, really not.

“Hey, tomorrow—“


“Yuuta,” Yuuki calls with a touch of nonchalant warning. “Tomorrow.”

Yuuta only nods, only follows. Standing there, Yuuki comes over to place a hand over Yuuta’s eyes and there’s darkness, something else – a secret.

“Don’t forget.”

There’s no answer again. Calculating, slow and diminishing, finally.

Before tomorrow, Yuuta stares at the ceiling. The lights are dead then, like his nerves as he lies there and waits for the wee hours. Chew chew chew.



Yuuta turns on his side. Yuuki’s up on his ladder, up in his mind, up in his heart – and the whirlpool flushes everything out.


“You’ll let me sleep here, anyway. There’s no use in protesting,” Yuuki interrupts. He interrupts Yuuta’s life.

Yuuki tucks himself in next to Yuuta and he cuddles close, closer – stop. They stare into identical eyes, identical faces; look into different thoughts, different hearts.

“You know, tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Yuuta repeats with a sigh. His breath ghosts over Yuuki’s cheeks, his lips.

“Don’t forget.”

“I won’t.”

But he will. He wants to. He wishes tomorrow never wakes…

He wishes they never will.

And reality’s cruel even when he keeps his eyes open to watch his brother sleep, ears open to listen to his breath and fingers light to comb and tread on brown locks. It’s subtle, Yuuta’s way of wanting to wake Yuuki up then but he knows that Yuuki won’t. Tomorrow’s already there.

Yuuta buys Yuuki a new manga. Tomorrow is afternoon, humid and bleary. The walk back is anything but rushed – they like it that way, the leisure and bond. Yuuta likes it more then, wishes the walk never ends.

Yuuki holds his hand.

His heart nears the end, the explosion, the fireworks that will burn him; the memories that he treasures.

“Your hands,” Yuuta reminds.

Yuuki lets go. Yuuta doesn’t want to.

“What have you been doing lately?” Yuuta asks anyway. “Your hands are so calloused.”

“From flipping pages,” replies Yuuki as he examines his palms, manga tucked under his arm.



Yuuta trusts. He believes, he hopes, he wants, he wishes – together.

There’s cake in the evening. Texts, calls and jokes from the boys, from other relatives throughout the day. Yuuta stares at Yuuki’s cream-stained hands.

“They’re dirty.”

Then Yuuki licks them clean, just like that. Chu chu chu.

“You should’ve washed.”

“I should’ve.”

The living room shrinks, their toes pressed against each other’s under the dining table.

“So, how do you feel now?”

“Old,” Yuuta answers simply.



“Old,” Yuuki answers simply.


But it’s not.

Yuuta doesn’t regret. Yuuta will miss Yuuki. Yuuki will look for Yuuta. But they don’t say it – never.

He swears it’ll be the last day he buys him manga. He swears, too, that he’ll watch over him forever.



“Happy Birthday.”

And it is, with Yuuki.

He swears it won’t be the last day he’ll ask for manga. He swears, too, that he’ll be there for him forever.

"Happy Birthday," Yuuta echoes. A small smile tugs at the corners of Yuuki's lips and it lingers a moment longer.

It’s a secret. Yuuta doesn’t know, Yuuki doesn’t know –

Their loneliness keeps them together, ties their destinies tighter – makes their bond as brothers stronger.


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July 2013

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