porcelain_doll: (T. Chizuru)
[personal profile] porcelain_doll
Title: expectation
Pairing: Tachibana Chizuru/Satou Masaki
Rating: PG
Summary: His yearning, her confusion.

“Don’t fall.”

“I won’t.”

“Try not to trip.”

“I won’t.”

“Don’t forget to do your homework.”

“You’re not my mom.”

He laughs – hearty, honest and warm. Masaki listens to his voice mixed with static, like it’s the most natural thing to do while she fans herself with a harisen that one of her brothers made over dinner. Dinner. She checks the clock by her desk. 3:13.

“Sleep early.”

“I will.”

“You won’t!” Chizuru accuses. “Look at the time. I’m not even gone yet but you’re already breaking rules!”

Masaki sighs with her eyes closed. Beyond the darkness of her closed off vision, she sees Chizuru lying on the floor, orange phone stuck to his ear and blonde hair all messed up against a pillow. She likes his hair that way – messy, messy and natural. Natural, unlike how her chest hurts then.



“Don’t miss me.”

She wants to shout at him now but she knows she can’t; he knows she can’t. What time is it? Time? Chizuru doesn’t know what that is.

“You can break that rule if you want. Feel free to do so,” he adds with a chuckle he forces out from his diaphragm and lungs because no one would bother to shush him; he wouldn’t even if someone tries but he will if Masaki says so. Maybe.

“Whatever,” Masaki manages once she abandons the harisen on the floor and she lies down on her bed, on her side so she can look at the space next to her, rests a hand there and imagines – he’s right here.

“Don’t skip meals.”

“I won’t.”

“Try to make new friends.”

“I will.”

“Don’t fall.”

Everything’s blurry; light, obscured, strange. Masaki’s eyes are twitching, screaming and begging for rest and she grants the pleas, reluctantly.

“You said that already.”

“Oh, I did? I guess that’s it then. Did I forget anything?”


“No. How should I know?”

“Fine. I’ll let you sleep now. Goodbye.”

“Good night.”

The call dies, like something inside her does but she doesn’t know, isn’t sure of how that feels; what it means.

“What does ‘don’t fall’ mean?”

It’s a whisper – against her pillow, from the back of her mind, to the space beside her. The answer isn’t there, will never be. It’s natural - just okay - unlike the tears that stain her face, from confusion, not heartbreak.

There’s a note stuck in between the textbooks that Chizuru never really used, never really looked through, on the bookshelf he barely even filled up. He leaves it there and dares not look for it again; it slips his mind, forever.

Don’t fall. It’s simple. Stay strong, smile lots – all these, for when you remember me. Just like this. I’ll leave and come back again – to that spot next to you, I hope. Don’t love me only when I’m gone; love me when I’m there and I’ll stay to kiss you. I’ll stay to make that future with you, without all these rules. We can break them together. Don’t fall. Don’t fall. Don’t fall. That’s the only rule you can’t break.

“Love me.”

And that’s the only promise I want you to make.

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